Hello, everyone!
Note: For those looking for a Pitch Wars #pimpmybio, this is not that yet.
I'm trying to get more organized. I'm starting to realize that it's not a matter of flipping a switch and changing your habits instantly. Like many things, you can get better at it with practice. For a while, I was making schedules for myself (since I write at home and have no schedule set for me). I've gotten out of that habit, and this seems like a good time to get back into it.
This blog post is meant to tell you all a bit about a new organization process I'm trying out; it's also meant to help me with that process. I'm hoping that typing up my tasks will help me sort through them. I'll talk about what I'm working on, and then the way I'm planning to budget my time in the beginning of July. There's going to be a lot of math in this blog post, so it may be a bit more boring than usual, haha. If this method doesn't work, I'll have to try something else.
On August 2, I plan to enter Pitch Wars, which is an event that pairs unpublished authors with mentors. So, one of the things I need to do by then is finish revisions on my manuscript, Red Letter Law. It's been through many rounds of revisions since I finished the first draft on November 2. But this round has been difficult; I'm trying to rid RLL of potentially harmful/problematic content. It means cutting out some scenes I really like, but I'm optimistic that what I replace those scenes with will be better. I've gotten stuck a lot, but I have to push through it.
I'm also drafting another novel, Furlough. I started it November 1 as my NaNoWriMo novel, but ended up switching projects and just barely hitting 50,000 words total. I wrote a little of Furlough during April Camp NaNo. I don't have to finish the draft by the end of July; I'm trying to work on it in my downtime from RLL revisions, or whenever my brain needs a break.
In brief, I also have the following things that I either need or want to do: daily devotion, an internship from home, reading for CPs, reading for a freelance client, a few freelance sample edits, leisure reading, YouTube (both AuthorTube and BookTube), social media and traveling. So, if I can list these (other than traveling) in order of importance, and estimate the time needed for each, I can make a schedule.
Here's a list by priority, with times listed if I know them:
1. devotion (minimum: 1 hour per day.)
2. internship (estimated 10 hrs per week max.)
3. editing RLL
4. freelance beta reading
5. reading for CPs
6. sample edits
7. YouTube
8. leisure reading
9. social media
10. Furlough
I hope I'm not forgetting anything, but I can always adjust. Lets assume that I need time to sleep and eat, so I can work for about 8-10 hours per day, excluding Sunday. For now, I'm only going to try and schedule the first 5 days of July. So, I need to estimate the amount of time it will take me to edit RLL and see how much I can get done in those days. I'm going to say 30 hours, but I have no real idea. I'm not going to schedule any editing time on Sunday. So that leaves 7.5 hours per day if I want to finish by July 5. I think that's too much, so instead I'll budget 6 hours per day and leave the other 6 for later in July.
So now, hypothetically, I need 6 hours per day to edit RLL. 1 hour per day for devotion. That's 7, and then I have about 3 hours for other things if I want to max out at 10 hours. In general, 10 hours per week of my internship comes out to 10/6 hrs per day, which reduces to 5/3 hours, or 1 hour and 40 minutes. But this week, I'll have a lighter load for the internship, so I'll say about 20 mins per day. That leaves 2 hours and 40 minutes per day for other things. For these 4 days, I'm going to multiply 2hr40min by 4, which gives me 10 hours and 40 minutes! I'm impressed. That's more time than I thought for priorities 4-9. So, I can estimate the total time for my other tasks and figure out how much time I'm willing to devote to them per day, and leave the rest for after July 5. For now, I'll try figuring out how much time I need to complete each task. (Tasks that are indefinite will have an estimate of how much time I'll need for them in July overall.)
1. Freelance reading: 7 hours
2. Reading for CPs: 6 hours (for now; this might change later in the month, and I'll adjust)
3. sample edits: 3 hours
4. YouTube: 4.5 hours
5. leisure reading: indefinite. Hopefully 30 mins-1 hour per day; can be placed in "off hours".
6. social media: indefinite. Hopefully at least 20-30 mins per day; can be placed in "off hours"
7. writing Furlough: indefinite. Maybe 10 mins per day on average; 5 hours for the month
If we add all those together, we have 20. 5 hours for the definite things (1-4). So, I'm not going to finish all of the tasks by July 5. Even if I cut that in half, 10.5 would be cutting it close. So, I'm going to allot only 1/2 hour for YouTube and leave the rest for July 6 or later. That leaves 10 hours and 10 minutes total for the remaining tasks. Since, in total for the month, tasks 1-3 will take 16 hours, I'll aim for half of each to take place in the next five days. That means for all four days total, I've 3.5 hours of freelance reading, 3 hours of CP reading, and 1.5 hours of sample edits. (The sample edit estimate is high, so I may be able to finish in less time than I think.) If I subtract those 8 hours from the 10 hours and 40 minutes, I am left with 2 hours 40 mins for tasks 5-7, which means 40 minutes per day, plus any time allotted in the off-hours. Tasks 5-7 can be done on Sunday, but I'll try not to do my other tasks then; this is because other than church, I like to relax on Sunday.
So, here's our approximate breakdown for each planned day:
1. devotion: 1 hour
2. internship: 20 minutes
2. editing RLL: 6 hours
3. freelance reading: 53 minutes
4. CP reading: 45 minutes
5. sample edits: 23 minutes
6. YouTube: 8 minutes (but ideally, all 30 minutes of YouTube filming will take place in one or two days.)
7. leisure reading, social media, and writing Furlough: 40 minutes + any off-hours
And here are some rules to keep my mental and physical health in check:
1. No skipping meals.
2. No all-nighters, if possible. (If I can't sleep, I can't, but I'll try. My mental illness makes it hard to sleep sometimes, which can cause all-nighters.)
3. If I feel burnt out or overly stressed, I take a break.
4. No beating myself up if I don't hit these time goals, or even if I'm not in the ballpark. These are stringent on purpose, because even if I don't fulfill these exact times, I'll probably get more done than I would with no schedule at all.
5. No roll-over time. Ex: If I don't hit 6 hours of RLL one day, I will NOT add extra hours the next day, because that would lead to more stress.
6. The opposite of roll-over time is just fine. If I work more than I think I will on one thing one day, I can use less time on it the next day.
7. I can also switch things around if need be and don't have to stick to the schedule exactly.
8. I must try to remind myself that everything will be okay if my plans change because of life, or if I mess up.
So, here's a tentative schedule for July 1:
8:40 -- Breakfast
9:00 -- Devotion
10:00 -- Edit RLL
11:00 -- Snack and intern work
11:20 -- Edit RLL
12:20 -- Social Media
12:40 -- Edit RLL
1:40 -- Lunch while beta reading
2:00 -- Edit RLL
3:00 -- Beta reading
3:20 -- Edit RLL
4:20 -- Snack while beta reading
4:33-- Get ready and go to a dinner thing
8:00 -- Edit RLL
9:00 -- CP reading
9:45 -- Sample edits
10:08 -- Done. Time for leisure reading, social media or general relaxation
That is a longer day than usual, due to a dinner thing. Hopefully, the extra "first day of Camp NaNo" excitement will help me to stay on task and be productive. But if I don't get everything done exactly as scheduled, I'll try to stay calm and start looking forward to Monday.
Friday, June 30, 2017
Wednesday, March 22, 2017
The Time I Ate Four Foods for Eight Months
Trigger Warning: This blog post deals with the topic of ARFID, an eating disorder.
There's a lot of talk on the internet recently about a book called Sad Perfect. I haven't read the book, and I don't have any immediate plans to. It's about a girl with Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder, also known as ARFID. It is a disorder characterized by eating a very limited selection of foods. One good thing from this situation for me is possibly having a name for something that happened to me two years ago. I think I should share this story in case anyone wants to know about ARFID from the perspective of someone who has been through it.
Here's a disclaimer: I have never been diagnosed with ARFID. I am not a medical or psychological professional, so I can't diagnose myself. I didn't know what ARFID was until I read a review of Sad Perfect, and I have now read up on it on the website for National Eating Disorders Association. All I can say for sure is the symptoms described seem to match mine.
Now, I can get to the story.
For a long time, I had problems with portion control, especially when it came to sugar. When I started college in 2012, sugar was much more accessible than it had been at home, and the problem got worse. I kept trying to get it under control, but my method's weren't effective, and my efforts weren't what they need to be.
Finally, in spring 2014, I found a possible way to combat this problem. I started watching videos about raw veganism, and I experimented with it. Raw fruit, and especially bananas, helped kicked my cravings for processed sugar. It wasn't a perfect solution, but I felt like I was making progress. I don't know if I was still taking in too high an amount of sugar (which is likely), or if I'd already done a lot of damage to my body. Regardless, in August 2014, I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.
My diabetes diagnosis happened in a pretty standard way, I guess. I started getting lightheaded at random times, I had a two-day period of insatiable thirst, and then I ate half of a Starbucks brownie and started feeling like I was going to pass out. So, I went to the doctor, and got diagnosed.
At that time, I was both surprised and not. Not surprised because I had a lot of risk factors, including an extensive family history of type 2. (Yes, family history is a factor in type 2.) But surprised because I was having one of those "It can't happen to me," moments. And I had a lot of negative thought patterns.
Soon after my diagnosis, I started to hate certain foods. I once ate half of a pop tart and became almost too anxious to form sentences, so I started to hate pop tarts, and any food that made me feel sick, any food that seemed like it was going to make me feel sick, and some foods I just resented because I was upset that they had a lot of sugar. I was afraid these foods would harm non-diabetic people, and at the same time, I was jealous of those people. I resented a certain brand of soda, for example, for having 30 grams of sugar in 8 fluid ounces, which came out to about 75 grams per bottle. I'm told that the recommended daily value of sugar for a non-diabetic person is 30 grams. So, a bottle of soda is 2.5 times that, and it's not even a meal. That made me angry.
The sudden hatred of foods I used to love sort of turned into a bit of joy at limiting them. A triumphant momentary feeling of being in control, which brings me to the next point:
I felt out of control. I resolved from day 1 that I wouldn't be a stereotypical non-compliant diabetic person, and that I would do everything right. So, when I wasn't seeing the numbers I thought I should see on my blood sugar meter after two weeks, I started to get upset. I now know that it takes a lot longer than two weeks to learn to manage diabetes, but I somehow thought at the time that I wasn't supposed to experience a learning curve.
The control issue manifested in other ways, too. My diagnosis happened one week before the start of my junior year of college. I had planned to do a work experience in South Florida (not far from my home town) that year while taking classes online, but instead, I dropped everything and went back to my college 1,000 miles away, reasoning that the old routine would make it a little easier to learn to manage diabetes. I also reasoned that I couldn't let diabetes stop me from reaching my goals, which meant I had to graduate early, which meant I had to take a nineteen-credit schedule. This was a bad idea.
All of this resulted in a fun but extremely difficult semester. I built up some good habits and started setting a timer on my phone to remind me to eat. But with all those credits, I got BURNT THE FREAK OUT. I've heard people talk about being burnt out, also known as tired of college, and I'd experienced the feeling before, but never as intensely as I did in December 2014. Diabetes management was sort of getting easier, but I did not want to go back to college after Christmas break. I went anyway, because I wanted to be done as soon as possible.
That spring, I became severely anemic, and I made the tough decision to withdraw from college. I knew I wouldn't be able to go back the same college after leaving. I think I was more stressed about it than I realized. Around the same time, I had a few days of bad acid reflux. At the time I was quite emetephobic (afraid of vomiting), so I didn't want the acid reflux to progress too far. I googled some things and decided to start the acid reflux diet. It's low in fat and high in whole grains. It has a strict period of about two weeks, and then you're supposed to add in more foods, but I didn't.
It took me a month--from mid-February to mid-March-- to obtain the right documents for medical withdrawal. During that time, I stayed in my dorm room a lot. I ate almost exclusively oatmeal and whole grain crackers the entire time. I was lonely, but felt accomplished in taking control of the situation.
I went home in mid-March, and I kept eating very few foods. The group of foods adjusted a few times over the next seven months, but it was ritualistic, it didn't feel right, and I didn't know how to stop. I was adjusting amounts of sugar to keep my diabetes symptoms in check, and I was eating no dairy, no simple starch, no nuts except almond milk. The main routine I fell into was oatmeal, almond milk, grape nuts and bananas. I would eat some combination of those four foods every single day, for almost every single meal.
It wasn't about acid reflux anymore. I was still scared, but I couldn't quite articulate was I was afraid of. It just seemed like some unknown terrible thing would happen if I ate cheese. Sometimes, it seemed to be about my weight, but not really.
I felt even more in control when I was taken off of my diabetes medicine. My blood sugar wasn't high anymore.
I knew on some level that I was doing wasn't healthy. I lost a stubborn 37 pounds in the first 5 months, and I got some compliments. People would say "What are you doing?" and I smile and reply "I've been eating a lot of whole grains," and not mention that I was not eating anything else. I wasn't exercising either. It was all nutrition. My blood sugar started getting lower than it should be. My hair was about an inch long, and it hardly grew the whole time.
One or two people in my family pointed out that this weight loss might not be good. I deflected their comments. I relished the compliments.
I tracked my food intake for a while on MyFitnessPal. I couldn't deny that it wasn't good. I was really lacking protein, fat and vitamins. I even found that my caloric intake was below 800 on some days. Without meaning to, I'd decreased the amount I was eating.
I kept thinking, I should stop. I should get more variety. But the thought of even a bite of some foods made me feel anxious. I was also embarrassed to admit this to anyone. I only wanted to eat at home, and mostly by myself. I didn't want anyone to watch me and judge my eating habits.
Some people who'd usually been semi-friendly were suddenly super complimentary about my weight and acting really nice to me. I have to admit, around July, I got uncomfortable with that. I don't want people to only be my friend when I'm thin.
I'm a Christian, and in summer 2015, I felt led to apply for a discipleship training program in Missouri. Discipleship training is intensive training on living a life for Jesus -- sort of like Bible school or ministry training, but with no degree. I applied and felt great about it, but I started to have second thoughts. I was going to a state I'd never even visited, to train with people I'd never met in person, and I just knew they were going to judge my eating habits.
I got to discipleship training in August, and it was an absolutely amazing time in my life. While learning about Jesus, I bonded immensely with my classmates, some of whom were also my housemates. We shared meals sometimes, and they knew my eating habits were unusual, but they weren't rude about it. They got concerned sometimes, but they didn't pressure me, and they listened. I knew I didn't have to eat differently just to impress them. It was freeing, and it helped me to start healing. So, throughout October and November 2015, I gradually added in more foods.
Things are not perfect now, but I'm so, so thankful to be feeling a lot better. I thought I was alone in what happened, and there wasn't a name for it, until recently.
With regards to this book, Sad Perfect, I'm hearing people say that it expresses the fear of a person with ARFID being dismissed by those with other eating disorders. Personally, this is not something I fear in real life. I completely understand wanting to feel like your struggle is real and valid, and I'm thankful to have that now; however, I can't picture people with eating disorders creating some type of hierarchy of whose disorder is the most real. This is because having an eating disorder, like many other mental illnesses, is hard to admit to yourself, so you're not likely to brag about it to other people in the way described. Again, I haven't read the book. I could be completely off-base, and if so, I'm sorry.
I think it's important to have conversations. I have no intentions of vilifying any author or reviewer, but it's possible for any book to have problems. If a book is suspected of having deep issues, I think it's important to talk about it, and to listen. I doubt I'll read the book, because I don't want to be triggered, but if I can contribute to the conversation even a little, I want to. Thank you for reading this, and I'd be happy to discuss it further with anyone who wants to. If you're feeling triggered, I'm so sorry, and I'm willing to listen. And if you have symptoms like this, please talk to someone.
There's a lot of talk on the internet recently about a book called Sad Perfect. I haven't read the book, and I don't have any immediate plans to. It's about a girl with Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder, also known as ARFID. It is a disorder characterized by eating a very limited selection of foods. One good thing from this situation for me is possibly having a name for something that happened to me two years ago. I think I should share this story in case anyone wants to know about ARFID from the perspective of someone who has been through it.
Here's a disclaimer: I have never been diagnosed with ARFID. I am not a medical or psychological professional, so I can't diagnose myself. I didn't know what ARFID was until I read a review of Sad Perfect, and I have now read up on it on the website for National Eating Disorders Association. All I can say for sure is the symptoms described seem to match mine.
Now, I can get to the story.
For a long time, I had problems with portion control, especially when it came to sugar. When I started college in 2012, sugar was much more accessible than it had been at home, and the problem got worse. I kept trying to get it under control, but my method's weren't effective, and my efforts weren't what they need to be.
Finally, in spring 2014, I found a possible way to combat this problem. I started watching videos about raw veganism, and I experimented with it. Raw fruit, and especially bananas, helped kicked my cravings for processed sugar. It wasn't a perfect solution, but I felt like I was making progress. I don't know if I was still taking in too high an amount of sugar (which is likely), or if I'd already done a lot of damage to my body. Regardless, in August 2014, I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.
My diabetes diagnosis happened in a pretty standard way, I guess. I started getting lightheaded at random times, I had a two-day period of insatiable thirst, and then I ate half of a Starbucks brownie and started feeling like I was going to pass out. So, I went to the doctor, and got diagnosed.
At that time, I was both surprised and not. Not surprised because I had a lot of risk factors, including an extensive family history of type 2. (Yes, family history is a factor in type 2.) But surprised because I was having one of those "It can't happen to me," moments. And I had a lot of negative thought patterns.
Soon after my diagnosis, I started to hate certain foods. I once ate half of a pop tart and became almost too anxious to form sentences, so I started to hate pop tarts, and any food that made me feel sick, any food that seemed like it was going to make me feel sick, and some foods I just resented because I was upset that they had a lot of sugar. I was afraid these foods would harm non-diabetic people, and at the same time, I was jealous of those people. I resented a certain brand of soda, for example, for having 30 grams of sugar in 8 fluid ounces, which came out to about 75 grams per bottle. I'm told that the recommended daily value of sugar for a non-diabetic person is 30 grams. So, a bottle of soda is 2.5 times that, and it's not even a meal. That made me angry.
The sudden hatred of foods I used to love sort of turned into a bit of joy at limiting them. A triumphant momentary feeling of being in control, which brings me to the next point:
I felt out of control. I resolved from day 1 that I wouldn't be a stereotypical non-compliant diabetic person, and that I would do everything right. So, when I wasn't seeing the numbers I thought I should see on my blood sugar meter after two weeks, I started to get upset. I now know that it takes a lot longer than two weeks to learn to manage diabetes, but I somehow thought at the time that I wasn't supposed to experience a learning curve.
The control issue manifested in other ways, too. My diagnosis happened one week before the start of my junior year of college. I had planned to do a work experience in South Florida (not far from my home town) that year while taking classes online, but instead, I dropped everything and went back to my college 1,000 miles away, reasoning that the old routine would make it a little easier to learn to manage diabetes. I also reasoned that I couldn't let diabetes stop me from reaching my goals, which meant I had to graduate early, which meant I had to take a nineteen-credit schedule. This was a bad idea.
All of this resulted in a fun but extremely difficult semester. I built up some good habits and started setting a timer on my phone to remind me to eat. But with all those credits, I got BURNT THE FREAK OUT. I've heard people talk about being burnt out, also known as tired of college, and I'd experienced the feeling before, but never as intensely as I did in December 2014. Diabetes management was sort of getting easier, but I did not want to go back to college after Christmas break. I went anyway, because I wanted to be done as soon as possible.
That spring, I became severely anemic, and I made the tough decision to withdraw from college. I knew I wouldn't be able to go back the same college after leaving. I think I was more stressed about it than I realized. Around the same time, I had a few days of bad acid reflux. At the time I was quite emetephobic (afraid of vomiting), so I didn't want the acid reflux to progress too far. I googled some things and decided to start the acid reflux diet. It's low in fat and high in whole grains. It has a strict period of about two weeks, and then you're supposed to add in more foods, but I didn't.
It took me a month--from mid-February to mid-March-- to obtain the right documents for medical withdrawal. During that time, I stayed in my dorm room a lot. I ate almost exclusively oatmeal and whole grain crackers the entire time. I was lonely, but felt accomplished in taking control of the situation.
I went home in mid-March, and I kept eating very few foods. The group of foods adjusted a few times over the next seven months, but it was ritualistic, it didn't feel right, and I didn't know how to stop. I was adjusting amounts of sugar to keep my diabetes symptoms in check, and I was eating no dairy, no simple starch, no nuts except almond milk. The main routine I fell into was oatmeal, almond milk, grape nuts and bananas. I would eat some combination of those four foods every single day, for almost every single meal.
It wasn't about acid reflux anymore. I was still scared, but I couldn't quite articulate was I was afraid of. It just seemed like some unknown terrible thing would happen if I ate cheese. Sometimes, it seemed to be about my weight, but not really.
I felt even more in control when I was taken off of my diabetes medicine. My blood sugar wasn't high anymore.
I knew on some level that I was doing wasn't healthy. I lost a stubborn 37 pounds in the first 5 months, and I got some compliments. People would say "What are you doing?" and I smile and reply "I've been eating a lot of whole grains," and not mention that I was not eating anything else. I wasn't exercising either. It was all nutrition. My blood sugar started getting lower than it should be. My hair was about an inch long, and it hardly grew the whole time.
One or two people in my family pointed out that this weight loss might not be good. I deflected their comments. I relished the compliments.
I tracked my food intake for a while on MyFitnessPal. I couldn't deny that it wasn't good. I was really lacking protein, fat and vitamins. I even found that my caloric intake was below 800 on some days. Without meaning to, I'd decreased the amount I was eating.
I kept thinking, I should stop. I should get more variety. But the thought of even a bite of some foods made me feel anxious. I was also embarrassed to admit this to anyone. I only wanted to eat at home, and mostly by myself. I didn't want anyone to watch me and judge my eating habits.
Some people who'd usually been semi-friendly were suddenly super complimentary about my weight and acting really nice to me. I have to admit, around July, I got uncomfortable with that. I don't want people to only be my friend when I'm thin.
I'm a Christian, and in summer 2015, I felt led to apply for a discipleship training program in Missouri. Discipleship training is intensive training on living a life for Jesus -- sort of like Bible school or ministry training, but with no degree. I applied and felt great about it, but I started to have second thoughts. I was going to a state I'd never even visited, to train with people I'd never met in person, and I just knew they were going to judge my eating habits.
I got to discipleship training in August, and it was an absolutely amazing time in my life. While learning about Jesus, I bonded immensely with my classmates, some of whom were also my housemates. We shared meals sometimes, and they knew my eating habits were unusual, but they weren't rude about it. They got concerned sometimes, but they didn't pressure me, and they listened. I knew I didn't have to eat differently just to impress them. It was freeing, and it helped me to start healing. So, throughout October and November 2015, I gradually added in more foods.
Things are not perfect now, but I'm so, so thankful to be feeling a lot better. I thought I was alone in what happened, and there wasn't a name for it, until recently.
With regards to this book, Sad Perfect, I'm hearing people say that it expresses the fear of a person with ARFID being dismissed by those with other eating disorders. Personally, this is not something I fear in real life. I completely understand wanting to feel like your struggle is real and valid, and I'm thankful to have that now; however, I can't picture people with eating disorders creating some type of hierarchy of whose disorder is the most real. This is because having an eating disorder, like many other mental illnesses, is hard to admit to yourself, so you're not likely to brag about it to other people in the way described. Again, I haven't read the book. I could be completely off-base, and if so, I'm sorry.
I think it's important to have conversations. I have no intentions of vilifying any author or reviewer, but it's possible for any book to have problems. If a book is suspected of having deep issues, I think it's important to talk about it, and to listen. I doubt I'll read the book, because I don't want to be triggered, but if I can contribute to the conversation even a little, I want to. Thank you for reading this, and I'd be happy to discuss it further with anyone who wants to. If you're feeling triggered, I'm so sorry, and I'm willing to listen. And if you have symptoms like this, please talk to someone.
Thursday, January 19, 2017
"Don't Want to Rush on Ahead..."
Hi, everyone.
Recently, I've been reading the book of Habakkuk, a short book in the Old Testament of the Bible. I've liked Habakkuk 3 for a long time, but I never paid much attention to chapters 1 and 2 today. One verse in particular caught my eye today while I was reading chapter 1:
"They sweep past like the wind and are gone. But they are deeply guilty, for their strength is their god."
This really makes me think about my life, and contemplate whether I have made the mistake of making my strength my god. In other words, am I depending on myself instead of God?
Later on, I was thinking about a business opportunity, and I wasn't sure how to handle it. I was going to pray about it. I searched for a song that I'd heard over a year ago. I wasn't sure who'd sung the song, or even what it was called, but it turned out to be "Not in a Hurry" by United Pursuit. Here's a link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvfCWpRKCnk
This song is about being in the Presence of God and waiting for Him. It says "Don't want to rush on ahead, in my own strength, when you're right here, you're right here."
I love this part of the song, because it describes one of the problems with being in my own strength. I can get a plan and run with it, and forget to wait on the Lord.
It also reminds me of a metaphor that God has showed me in the past. He showed me that when I listen for His voice, sometimes I listen like a relay runner. I'm already gearing up to move or even starting to move before He gives me a Word, so that I can receive the Word like a baton and immediately start running. He wants me wait and listen without rushing away. If I depend on Him, He will lead me in the right direction. He will tell me where to go, and when. So, it's important that instead of turning my strength into my god, I let God be my strength.
Recently, I've been reading the book of Habakkuk, a short book in the Old Testament of the Bible. I've liked Habakkuk 3 for a long time, but I never paid much attention to chapters 1 and 2 today. One verse in particular caught my eye today while I was reading chapter 1:
"They sweep past like the wind and are gone. But they are deeply guilty, for their strength is their god."
This really makes me think about my life, and contemplate whether I have made the mistake of making my strength my god. In other words, am I depending on myself instead of God?
Later on, I was thinking about a business opportunity, and I wasn't sure how to handle it. I was going to pray about it. I searched for a song that I'd heard over a year ago. I wasn't sure who'd sung the song, or even what it was called, but it turned out to be "Not in a Hurry" by United Pursuit. Here's a link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvfCWpRKCnk
This song is about being in the Presence of God and waiting for Him. It says "Don't want to rush on ahead, in my own strength, when you're right here, you're right here."
I love this part of the song, because it describes one of the problems with being in my own strength. I can get a plan and run with it, and forget to wait on the Lord.
It also reminds me of a metaphor that God has showed me in the past. He showed me that when I listen for His voice, sometimes I listen like a relay runner. I'm already gearing up to move or even starting to move before He gives me a Word, so that I can receive the Word like a baton and immediately start running. He wants me wait and listen without rushing away. If I depend on Him, He will lead me in the right direction. He will tell me where to go, and when. So, it's important that instead of turning my strength into my god, I let God be my strength.
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